


Seasick Zombie Blues

by Missy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Humor, POV Female Character, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The squad holes up at Charles' wife's beach house to ride out the apocalypse, and Rosa soon discovers that they've all brought their own baggage to the party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seasick Zombie Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pie_is_good](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pie_is_good/gifts).



> There are spoilers for season 2 dotted throughout this fic, so read with caution if you haven't watched it yet!

When it all went down, Rosa was the only one technically prepared. Though not paranoid enough to imagine fast-spreading viruses and the green-eyed zombies that had sprung forth from it, she had stashed away the essentials in her apartment. Food, cash, extra gas and a generator were hauled out and soon became communal property, held in safety at the station in case of an emergency.

The infection spread quickly, and the force felt the heat of the fast-moving plague more than most. Six months passed from the mid-winter start of the infection to the day Mayor de Blasio gave up and ordered an evacuation of the whole city, an exhausting effort that left the entire squad on edge. Only Jake seemed serene about the whole mess.

"Just ride it out, guys," he said. "It'll 48 Days Later itself if you give it time."

But with the city empty and the zombies left there disinterested in looting what was left behind, Holt made the executive decision to abandon the city. It pained him to do so - you could just tell by the look on his face when he made his announcement - but he did at least have a solution. Charles had volunteered his wife's beach house, the same one they’d used for multiple vacations. It was well-insulated, had the potential to sustain a fine garden, and plenty of access to fresh water. It was the best option - thus there were no questions asked, though she would privately wonder to Amy if anyone had bothered to ask Charles if he'd let them all stay, not that he'd ever complain. Rosa didn’t care either way; she was too busy trying to plot the transfer of her goods from one place to the other, something Holt arranged with a weekend trip and an armored truck, and then she was preoccupied with dodging Marcus as the d-date drew closer. She asked Gina to run interference for her, and the woman waved her hand and seemingly made magic happen, conjuring protection for her without effort. Even in the middle of a disaster she was still Gina, and could still make weird social miracles happen.

She was careful to secure her family (done; they were at her sister’s place in New Hope and apparently out of the way of the current spread of infection) and trying to decide who to bring as her Holt-declared plus one (and only plus one, just to ensure the stabilization of the food supply). Under normal circumstances she would have asked Marcus, but it was an apocalypse out there, and he was very likely to get weird and clingy and ugh, she didn't want to deal with weirdly clingy Marcus who was normally smooth and suave and awesome. She'd rather have her brains swallowed by zombies.

On her last night home, Rosa found herself scraping zombie brains off of her windshield and suddenly felt absolutely glad to be leaving Brooklyn, a thought that shocked her. She'd been content in the borough for years, and now she'd scoured enough empty apartments, killed enough drooling zombies and fostered enough sobbing orphaned children to last a lifetime. She wanted out, along with the rest of the entire eastern seaboard.

Holt issued an edict before they boarded the armored car out of the nearly deserted city with their mandatory one suitcase and one relative or friend; don’t look back, and don’t think too much. Rosa thought that all of this preparation and butt patting was for babies; they were all aware of what the world looked like outside of their door, had considered this new 

Holt had the keys to the beachhouse in his hand as he drove them away; he said it would be fine. _Charles_ said it would be fine and launched into this speech about how his ex-wife's second husband had bolstered the supplies they brought through his own paranoia, and that there were enough MREs and canned goods to feed a small army and a freshwater stream with cleaning filter back at the house. He made it sound like utopia, even though the only thing it didn’t sport was Charles’ ex-wife, who had apparently run for the Canadian border with her hubby in tow the second the first wave of dead freaks spread. Rosa was too tired to argue with him, and let his boring promises lull her to sleep. The last thing she heard was his promise that everything would be fine, as long as they followed procedure.

**** 

Twelve minutes after they arrived at the beachhouse Rosa discovered that there was no real procedure; they would be winging it, Holt's least favorite state of being. She scanned the crowded room and listened to the group argue. Holt had brought Kevin – who had taken their dog – and was busy trying to organize the seed plants they'd brought along into something resembling a garden. Gina and Charles had picked their parents, who were using this time of uncertainty to tongue kiss their way to bliss on the stairway. Amy had brought her mother and they sat together on the sofa in a display of identical primness, and Jake had brought no one at all but sat perched by the front window expectantly, his hand on his holster. Oh yeah - somewhere in the corner Hitchcock sat with Scully, demolishing two overstuffed sandwiches, a potted plant tucked between them at their hips. By the time Hitchcock finished his meal, Scully sat back in his chair with his pants unbuckled, clipping his toenails into the fireplace. And then there was Terry, who was trying to keep his twins from knocking over anything delicate or tripping over the adults’ feet as they used their unsteady little legs to explore the house. They eventually ran themselves to exhaustion and ended up giggling in a pile beside Amy on the sofa, who joined in quite happily.

Not everyone was pleased by the children's presence. “Dude, you brought both of them?” Gina asked, eyeing the children suspiciously. “This was your only chance to whittle the family Jeffords down to three. A tragic error, my good man. TRAGIC.”

“We’re in the middle of an apocalypse,” Terry said through his teeth. “And Chief said we could probably afford to feed both girls on the same ration if Sharon agreed to stay back home with her family.”

“How did she take it?” Amy asked.

“She saluted me with a Long Island Iced Tea from her mom’s back porch. She's gonna be fine,” Terry said. Then he crouched down and tickled his daughter’s tummies. “How about we all go to the kitchen and make some peanut butter apocalypse cookies?!”

“I volunteer as batter tester and recipe finder!” Charles shouted, taking Cagney by the hand.

“Yay!” both girls yelled, clearly swept up in the excitement, which was enough to visibly worry most of the adults around them.

“I told them apocalypse is a fancy word for ‘Disneyworld,’” he whispered, picking Lacey up and carrying her toward the kitchen. “Yayy,” he said in a staged shout. “Best apocalypse ever!”

“Really? Two girls, one ration? Why does he REALLY get to bring two extra people?” asked Gina.

“Because my plus one decided not to attend,” Kevin said from the comfort of a high-backed easy chair.

“Yes, it’s extremely unfortunate that Muriel decided to ‘ride the big one’ out in Pewaukee with her lover Hemando,” said Holt. He was stiff as ever, even in stained work pants bent over a bushel of strawberries.

“I don’t think that’s what she meant by...” Kevin stopped short, coughed, “yes, let’s move along. I’ll help you establish our garden outside. Gina, Charles - perhaps you should attend to your parent’s comfort?”

Gina turned her disgusted eyes toward their family, whose makeout session had continued along unnoticed. Charles voiced what they could all plainly see. “My dad seems to be taking care of Darlene's comfort just fine,” he said brightly. 

“Ugh. Never say that again,” Gina demanded. “Why don’t we just start unpacking upstairs and find a TV we can use?”

“Maybe I can find a rerun of Lawrence Welk!” enthused Charles, and the two of them had to climb over their parents to make it to the second level of the house.

“Okay. Guys,” Amy said, “could you help me get my mom settled upstairs in the sitting room?”

“Oh, Amy, I don’t want to make a fuss – I’m just fine,” she said. Mrs. Santiago was a brunette with graying hair and ladylike posture, as well as an enormous gold cross dangling around her neck.

“But your scoliosis,” Amy fretted. 

“Well…” with some added consideration she continued, “maybe I could take a nap upstairs…with some cookies. And my favorite pair of slippers…”

“I’ll get right on it!” Amy helped her mother upstairs, dodging Darlene and Lyn on their way upstairs.

That left Rosa alone with Jake. He had peeled back the curtain to watch the street outside, his intensity curious enough to make her approach him.

“Hey,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Just fine,” he said. “I’m keeping an eye out for any cute zombie babes. How about you?”

“I’m resting my trigger finger,” she said, taking Holt’s place in the easy chair, propping up her feet and closing her eyes.

*** 

Dinner passed by fairly uneventfully and was comprised of cheese souffles with a reduction of sausage gravy made by Charles. That man could work a miracle with tactical bacon, Rosa thought to herself as she picked her teeth with the tines of her fork. Amy had begun to help Kevin clear the table when the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it!” Charles said. “I’ve been hoping to practice saying hello in German.” Rosa rolled her eyes – Charles had been holed up for hours with a book of phrase. Grateful for the peace she’d let him be. Out of curiosity she followed him to the front door, which he opened with a cheery _guten tag._

The face at the door wasn’t only familiar, it we welcome…at least to everyone but Rosa. Well, mostly, basically. It was weird, but all in all she had to admit she was glad that Marcus had survived the apocalypse. “Hey,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Is that all I get, girl?” he teased. She rolled her eyes and pecked him on the cheek. 

“Look!” Charles called, “Marcus is here!”

“Isn’t it wonderful?” asked Kevin, his teeth gritted. “Marcus volunteered to be Raymond’s plus one! And since my secretary told me she would ‘rather drink paint than spend a month listening to me talk about Chaucer!'”

“Wait a minute,” Charles said. “You didn’t plus-one him Rosa?”

She shrugged. “We agreed to see other people during natural disasters, national emergencies and all apocalypses.”

"It was mutual," said Marcus evenly.

“What?” said Charles.

“What?” wondered Kevin.

“Whaaaat?” Jake asked, pressing his face to the front window. 

“I knew everyone would make a big deal about it so we didn’t bring it up. Just drop it,” she demanded. 

“Relax, we’re cool,” Marcus said, resting a hand on Rosa’s shoulder. “We’re just going a little more casual until the apocalypse rolls by.”

“But that’s the completely wrong time to be casual!” Charles cried. “Meiner Unterwäsche hat aufgeblasen!", he added with a definitive gesture.

"...Your Underwear is inflated?“ Marcus asked.

"I WAS TRYING TO SAY THAT LOVE IS DEAD. JUST LIKE MOST OF GERMANY AND PARTS OF AUSTRALIA!“ with that he stormed off.

“Everyone be quiet - I can’t hear the zombies!” Jake yelled.

Rosa rolled her eyes. “This is why we didn’t’ tell anybody. Hey,” she asked Marcus, “want some ice cream or something?”

Marcus grinned - and her heart didn’t skip a beat, not at all, it was Charles' pork belly croissants, that was all. “Sure, I could go for a nice slice of pie.” Jake howled from the windowsill. “Man, get your mind out of the gutter.”

*** 

And so they found themselves having dessert alone in the dining room, totally silent, listening to the ocean crash against the rocks outside their door. 

“Is your mom okay?” she asked.

He nodded. “Bunking in Alaska with my Uncle Bill. She took my brother so everything should work out. Your folks?”

“Okay. With my sisters,” she said. “I said I’d keep calling for as long as we had cell service.” she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I bet they miss you.” 

“Not with my sisters around. I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. 

“You never want to talk about it.” Then, with a grin, he said, “but we never did need words.”

Rosa decided kissing him made sense. As did all of the things that came with kissing. She had him down to his boxers when the kitchen door swung open and she pulled Marcus under the table, to the relative privacy below.

“…Can’t lie to me about something being wrong, Jake.” Amy’s voice. Rosa and Marcus stayed quiet and tried not to eavesdrop.

“Wrong? What could be wrong? I’m just keeping an eye on the zombie hordes to make sure they don’t rip our loved ones into tiny bloody pieces. Pound cake?” 

“Eww no. And I don’t think that’s really what’s wrong,” she said. “It’s something weirder. Why are you so obsessed with staying near the front door? Why not the back?”

“Because everyone knows zombie can’t swim! God Amy, Didn’t you read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?”

“I annotated it and put it aside for later use!” she said.

“The truth is out there and hungry for brains, Santiago. And I will find it.” 

“Just watch the waves and have some pound cake,” Amy said. There was a chewing noise, then scrambling noises. “Do…you hear yelling?”

Silence. Rosa and Marcus could indeed hear muffled yelling. Amy and Jake had changed positions; their voices came from closer to the kitchen door now. “I think the captain and Kevin are fighting!”

The shouting grew louder. Amy and Jake audibly scrambled closer to the table and, with a quick ‘under here’ soon found themselves jammed right next to Rosa and Marcus under the table.

“Are we late for the orgy?” Jake whispered as the door swung open once more.

She had no time to answer before Kevin’s voice cut through the silence. “I just want you to pay closer attention, Raymond. We’re responsible for so many lives here. It’s important that we look out for them.”

“You're well aware that I cared for far more lives at my job."

"True, but they're under our direct supervision. It's different, isn't it?"

"I understand your complaint. Unfortunately my primary concern is with the garden. You know that if it doesn’t bloom we’re…” he paused. “Do you hear moaning on the back stairway?”

More scrambling noises. Jake muffled a yelp against Rosa’s knee as Holt and Kevin joined them in their now cramped quarters. The whole group was startled when the whole table jostled. 

“Oh god, this is so filthy,” came Gina’s voice from over their heads. 

“I’m sorry,” Charles said. “We can stop!”

“Are you crazy?! I LOVE filthy! Make it filthier! Pull my hair and use the pepper grinder!” 

The table then began jostling in a very rhythmic manner.

“….I knew I should have brought my Kindle,” Amy muttered.

*** 

A few hours later Rosa woke up in the fetal position, curled around the pedestal of the table. She struggled to figure out what had drawn her back to consciousness when the rhythmic popping of a gun drew her attention. She reached for her service revolver, drew it, pecked Marcus on the cheek, then charged into the living room.

Jake had knocked a pane of glass out of window and was firing into the driveway. “Two crawlers, dead ahead.”

Rosa took a place beside him, started firing. Soon they were joined by Terry, by Holt, by Marcus. He knelt beside her and started passing her ammo. It was incredible how the tensions melted away when their lives were on the line – they worked as one, to protect themselves and the children and parents who slept over their heads.

When things briefly seemed dire, Jake shouted out a confession. “I wasn’t watching for zombies,” he said. “My dad was in town at a convention, and I asked him if he’d be my plus one. I was waiting for him, and he....”

“Forget about him!” Rosa yelled. “You have us.”

It seemed to firm up Jake’s resolve. And somehow, it kept Rosa going too.

*** 

The final score was Nine-Nine: Six, Zombies: 1

Scully’s plant gave its life nobly and with great honor, and received a classy burial in the backyard, where it went on to fertilize the rest of the garden.

****

In the end, everything worked out well. Charles and Gina were back on and weirding their parents out, though Lyn often suggested out loud that they ought to embark on couple’s night dates to the mutual horror of everyone else. Terry’s kids forgot all about Disney World when Auntie Gina showed them how to play Kwazy Kupcakes on her IPhone, and Amy's mother became just as addicted as the toddlers, giving her daughter room to catch up on her reading. Holt and Kevin, meanwhile, solved their differences once the potatoes and rutabagas they’d planted began to sprout and the strawberries and raspberries bore fruit. Jake stopped waiting for his father, Amy stopped waiting on her mother, and somehow they ended up making out one night under the stars and decided they should try dating. And ugh, now they were completely and totally in love, like a couple of total goobers. 

As for Rosa and Marcus? Well, whatever was going to happen would happen. She wasn’t going to fight it off, like _other_ people she knew. She was cool with it. Whatever.

And so hope went on in its own peculiar way, gilded by the bravery and foolhardiness of humanity. Soon enough, heads peeked out of the snow and into the spring air, pin-pupiled and thin framed prairie dogs. The virus had done just as Jake had predicted and simply run out of fresh victims. Brooklyn returned to normal and was then repopulated with minimal casualties. It was a win for the public works department.

But there was no way they could pretend their time at the beach house hadn’t done them good.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like what I came up with, pie_is_good! I was striving for an ensemble piece with a bit of romance and team building.


End file.
